


Selfish

by Impala_Cherry_Trickster



Series: Merlin Prompts [39]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angry Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Angst, Canon Era, Episode: s02e13 The Last Dragonlord, Gen, Good Morgana (Merlin), Hurt Merlin (Merlin), Hurt No Comfort, Magic Revealed, Oblivious Arthur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:33:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25180180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Impala_Cherry_Trickster/pseuds/Impala_Cherry_Trickster
Summary: Arthur just can't understand why Merlin's not seeing the bigger picture, and in a moment of rage, loses his temper with his manservant.
Relationships: Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Merlin Prompts [39]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1706692
Comments: 54
Kudos: 497





	1. Breaking his Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This was a tumblr prompt! (Link below)
> 
> https://blondemarvelchick.tumblr.com/post/623180286203756544/selfish

Merlin had the nerve to cry. After everything that had happened, after the people of Camelot dying because of the Dragon, Merlin had the nerve to cry. All because of a man that they needed alive, that had died because Merlin was unable to wield a sword. Arthur tried to hold his temper, but when Merlin sniffled again, he felt the anger bubble up. His Kingdom was at stake, his people, and Merlin was acting like he’d lost a loved one.

‘Will you quit it?’ He snapped, hating the fact he was lashing out. But why couldn’t Merlin see the stakes? Why didn’t he see that Arthur was stuck in a situation where he couldn’t win, where he was going to lose everything because the Dragonlord had died trying to protect Merlin. Merlin, of all people.

‘Sorry.’ Merlin mumbled, throat clogged with emotion for reasons Arthur didn’t know. Usually, he hated strangers. Instantly distrusted them. Like with Morgana a while back, before she’d admitted to Arthur that she had Magic, and they had begrudgingly begun to see eye to eye again. It was ridiculous, Merlin was supposed to be a servant, how dare he disrespect his half-sister like that? When Arthur was King, when he finally legalised Magic and helped his sister show her gift off, he would make sure that Merlin learned that he couldn’t disrespect her. She had to be terrified, living in Camelot under Uther’s reign.

Another sniffle, Merlin wiping his nose on his sleeve. He sighed deeply, and Arthur spun to face him.

‘You know something, Merlin?’ He sneered the name, watched Merlin’s eyes widen as Arthur’s angry tone hit him. It wasn’t really fair, he’d dragged Merlin into this. The manservant had tried to keep him safe, even if he did a poor job of it.

‘Sire?’ There, the one time he was actually respectful. Big doe-eyes, stupidly red-rimmed over a man that would have stopped Camelot from falling.

‘You’re a selfish idiot. You just got a man KILLED. A Dragonlord! The last bloody one!’ His tone rose as he progressed with the words, watched Merlin’s eyes widen as he reeled back.

‘All those in Camelot, every. Single. Death? It’ll be on _your_ hands.’ It wasn’t fair, Arthur was the one that dragged him out into the wilderness and expected him to act like a Knight. He was the one that held him to the same standards as his friends, like Leon or Lancelot.

Merlin had tears in his eyes again, but Arthur wasn’t quite done.

‘It’s your fault, you know. If you’d just _listen_ when I tell you to hold a sword, if you stopped spending all your damned time in the Tavern!’ It wasn’t Merlin’s fault, it wasn’t at all, but the manservant had bowed his head and wouldn’t even look up.

‘Don’t follow me back to Camelot.’ Because if Merlin stayed away, he might survive. With that said, Arthur marched back towards the Castle, ready to face his death.

**

Morgana waited for her brother and Emrys to return, for the Dragonlord to arrive. When Arthur came walking in, face solemn, her heart cracked.

‘Arthur?’ Uther turned, looking to his son, and Arthur bowed his head in respect. Gaius had fallen still, looking warily to Morgana, who had noticed that Merlin was gone.

‘The Dragonlord is dead, Sire. Injured in an attack.’ Uther slumped, like all the fight had gone out of him. Gaius had gone very pale, while Morgana looked to Gwen, then back to Arthur. Strangely, it was Uther that noticed the missing person.

‘And the boy? Your manservant?’ Arthur winced, looking away from his Father.

‘I dismissed him.’ Morgana knew her mouth had dropped open, held her tongue and tried to catch her brother’s eye. When Uther dismissed him, told him to prepare for the battle tonight, it was Gwen that reached the Prince first.

‘What did you do?’ She questioned, as soon as they were out of Uther’s earshot. Gaius was heading in their direction, looking far angrier than she’d ever seen.

‘He got the Dragonlord killed.’ Arthur snapped, but that couldn’t be the full story. Before Gaius could even ask, Arthur was snatching his hand out of Gwen’s hold, glaring at the three of them.

‘Merlin is an idiot. I should have dismissed him earlier.’ And with that, the Prince stormed off, leaving Morgana to sink to her knees in the corridor.

With Emrys gone, who was going to protect her brother?

**

Arthur fastened his armour, looked to Morgana and shook his head.

‘No.’

‘But I can help! I have Magic…’

‘Shh!’ He hissed, looking around the armoury for any signs that anybody had heard. When he found none, he relaxed slightly. His sister stepped closer, her eyes filled with tears and her hands shaking.

‘Please, I can’t lose you.’ He didn’t want to point out that if he was killed, the entirety of Camelot would burn as well.

‘Stay inside. Protect Gwen.’

The field was where they made their stand, the creature above circling and ready to attack. Leon was by his side, his men ready to attack, ready to die under the fiery breath of a creature they couldn’t hope to beat. Arthur drew his sword, prepared himself for the final swoop, knowing that he would die.

Just as the fire came rushing, as Arthur ducked behind his shield and prepared to melt, he heard the shout.

‘ _DRAKON!_ ’ The voice was deep, rumbled through the open space and commanded. In that moment, even Arthur felt tempted to bow, identified a pair of golden eyes that belonged to the man spewing out words to the Dragon. The creature had landed, was looking at the cloaked figure with something close to shock, if a Dragon could have emotions. Words were spewed out, things Arthur couldn’t understand, but that wasn’t what was confusing.

Merlin’s golden eyes turned to his, just for the briefest of moments, before he looked back to the Dragon. The giant beast slowly bowed his head, and Arthur found his shield slipping to the floor, his sword forgotten.

‘You will never harm Camelot, for as long as I live.’ Merlin. He heard Leon whisper it, the similar disbelief coming from the other Knights as the manservant commanded a beast of the Old Religion.

‘You have my word, Dragonlord.’ But Balinor had been the last Dragonlord. And he had no children.

The moment it clicked, Arthur felt his heart shatter. Merlin was stepping back, the beast taking to the skies and flying far away from the walled Castle, and Arthur looked to Merlin.

Merlin, who had tears tracking down his cheeks. Merlin, who had just commanded a Dragon, and used Magic in front of Knights trained to kill sorcerers.

And Arthur had the nerve to call the man selfish, having just condemned himself to death.

‘I couldn’t let you die.’ He whispered the words, so quietly that Arthur almost struggled to hear them. With lips that trembled, and eyes that spilled tears so freely. Arthur took a step, unsure of what he would do even if he reached Merlin, but the manservant had tensed.

‘ _Forbearnan._ ’ A wall of fire was drawn between them, and with that, the golden eyes fled back to the line of the forest.

Arthur was alone once more.


	2. Safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't have the two of them making up immediately, so settle for this awful second chapter

Morgana stood very still, watched as the Warlock crept from the woods. She studied him intently, from his more-prominent cheekbones to the hollow sinking under his eyes, from the blue cloak to the muddy boots. His time away from Camelot had not treated him well, he looked ill. Sad, and she imagined that was what happened when the man you were sworn to protect broke your heart.

‘Emrys. Merlin.’ She used both names, feeling like it was necessary. A part of her told her it should not have been this way around, that she should have been the one that fled Camelot for fear of Uther. She was not as strong as Merlin, she would not have been able to contain her anger. Lashing out, making them suffer for all they had done, it would be the first stop on her list.

‘Morgana.’ His voice was scratchy with disuse, and she wanted to hold him. To cradle him, to promise everything would be okay. Instead, she took another step forward.

‘He did not tell the King.’ It hadn't stopped her from finding out exactly what Arthur had said. When Arthur had told her, Morgana had punched him. She hadn't even thought of the consequences, didn’t care that she needed his trust after her Magic had been revealed. She punched him, and then went to tell Gwen, Gaius and Leon the truth.

‘I’ve found friends.’ Merlin changed the subject, and she did not need to wonder why. Lancelot had come to Camelot a week prior to this meeting, to bring with it the message that Merlin wanted to meet with her. The man was to join Arthur’s Knights, along with a man named Percival and Gwen’s brother, Elyan. She suspected that the first two were here because of Merlin.

‘He’s safe.’ Morgana promised, watching the Warlock relax. Lancelot had told them all that Merlin continued to track Arthur’s movements, that he was chasing threats far from Camelot’s walls. That the Knight had never seen a man so determined, or so empty. Then, he told them of the noble that Uther had banished.

Gwaine, because he refused to use the title from his family. Arthur had offered him a place as his Knight, now that he was Prince-Regent, but Gwaine had declined. According to Lancelot, this was because Gwaine was the one keeping Merlin safe.

‘Good. I… I’m sorry I left you.’ When Arthur had gone to Gaius about nightmares, the Physician had told him that it was the heart’s way of telling someone they had been an idiot. He dared to call Arthur names, and the Prince could not find it in him to care. Even Guinevere, who had loved Arthur, could now barely look at him.

‘I understand.’ Morgana whispered, taking another step towards him.

Merlin did not deserve a destiny so cruel. He did not deserve a Master that told him it was his own fault, that his father had died. That placed the deaths of citizens of Camelot onto the hands that tried so hard to keep everyone alive. Merlin had lost so many people, and Arthur had been blind to the suffering.

‘He’s sorry.’ She added, unsure why she did so. Arthur deserved the ache of losing Merlin, but the Warlock wasn’t happy. She thought that space from Camelot would give him a new sense of determination, but it had reduced him to a lost man.

‘I… he cannot forgive me, for those that I let die.’ Merlin had spent his time in exile blaming himself, that was clear. It made it even worse to watch, the Warlock slipping back into the shadows.

‘I will protect the Prince until he unites our land, like my Destiny states. Stay safe, my Lady.’ And with that, the Warlock was gone.

**

Merlin listened to the heartbeat under his ear, relaxed into the hand that stroked through his hair. It was a peaceful moment, when time bled away and he was left with someone that finally accepted him for who he was.

‘You’re thinking again.’ Gwaine murmured gently, Merlin propping himself up to look down at the man.

‘I would like to go to Camelot. I miss my Uncle, and I miss my friends.’ It had been a while since Merlin had left. Over a year had passed since he had released the Great Dragon, and Merlin had never wanted to see his Uncle more. Time had helped ease the guilt of what he had done, to make him see that he was in a situation that nobody could have prepared him for.

‘Then we go to Camelot.’

**

Arthur was injured. Completely accidental, slipping on the wet floor that George hadn't yet cleared up and promptly hitting his head on the table. He cut his forehead, hence why he now opened the door to the Physician’s Chambers. He would not have done it if it wasn’t necessary, Gaius was not his greatest fan anymore.

He hadn't expected the great crowd of people that were in the room. His sister and Gwen were seated by the fire, with his Knights all in the room. Gwaine, the banished man that he’d offered a place in the Knighthood, standing protectively by…

Merlin.

His once-manservant looked up when Arthur strode in, a silence falling.

‘Merlin.’ He hadn't said that name in so long, it tasted foreign on his tongue. The sorcerer halted, his eyes widening in shock, and Gwaine tensed. Ready to step between them, but he didn’t need to, because Arthur had imagined the moment he finally got to see the sorcerer again.

His knees hit the stone faster than he could comprehend, tears flooding his eyes but not spilling.

‘Oh Gods, Merlin I’m so sorry.’ He had a planned speech, things he’d said in his room at night when he imagined getting the chance to apologise. To tell a man he was the reason for his father’s death, to have blamed all those deaths on him… Arthur didn’t even care that his Knights were seeing him like this, just needed Merlin to know that he was sorry.

His manservant looked… different. Not quite healthy, but there was the beginning of life returning. His eyes had lost their spark, but there was something deeper than that now, a comfortableness that he suspected was because of the man by his side.

Merlin knelt down slowly, hand stretching out for the cut that Arthur had completely forgotten about. The Prince-Regent refused to look away when his eyes flashed golden, when his lips moved and a spell was muttered.

How could Magic be evil, when both his sister and Merlin had been gifted with it? How could it be anything other than beautiful, when it was something so pure?

When Merlin’s hand pulled back, there was a slight smile on the man’s face. Hesitant, with just a trace of the snarky manservant he used to be.

‘I should have known you couldn’t manage without me, Sire.’ Arthur had so many apologies to make, so many moments he needed to better understand. But, for now, he would settle for keeping this as perfect as it was now.

‘It’s hard to replace a manservant, Merlin.’ Just a little bit of teasing, and Merlin’s smile lit up. He realised how odd it must be, the two of them on their knees with the entire group watching on, but he couldn’t find it in him to care.

‘I thought you said I was awful?’ He regretted it, and every word after.

‘Which was what made you impossible to replace.’

‘Does… does that mean I could have my job back?’ He wanted it? Gwaine was glaring at Arthur, proof enough that the man was probably going to punch him as soon as he got the chance.

‘It was always yours.’ He promised.

That would always be a promise.


End file.
